Thursday, February 14, 2008
What an emotional roller coaster ride this has been so far! Neither one of us had expected to find "our" house this soon in the house-hunting expeditions. Neither of us was prepared for the snow-ball-rolling-down-the-hill effect this feels like is occuring in our lives. There is both fear and happy anticipation, almost in equal measures, and often taking turns with one another. Fortunately, when one of us is down on the house/move, the other is up!
It is important to acknowledge our fears and to face them, ask questions about them, collect relevant information that might set our minds at rest. I, however, often have my fears settle somewhere in my body. Depending upon where my physical symptoms reside, I can determine what potential fear might be lurking behind the physical pain. That way I will work through both the physical and the emotional dilemmas and come out all the better for it.
This time the fear settled in my mid to lower back - major back pain after 16+ years of being relatively pain free in that area. Lower back pain indicates fear of security - money issues. And that is a very understandable fear, given we are selling/buying/moving and we are changing our life style dramatically as we move into retirement. One major drawback on the new house is that it is heated by oil, and oil prices have risen astronomically in the past few years. Since it's a 9 room house - all rooms good sized - the heating bill will be substantial. A second major drawback is the lack of air conditioning. In the mountains of central Pennsylvania, it's not so much the cooling one needs as the dehumidifying! Air is often trapped between mountain ranges and dampness is a big issue. Since I'm severely allergic to mold and mildew, air conditioning is a must. And this is a big house! And they have radiator (hot water) heating - thus no air ducts and no easy AC addition is possible.
Journaling about my fears in my private hand-written journal has been very helpful. Back exercises have been equally helpful. Today is a new day, full of sunshine and crispy fresh air. I'm ready to move forward, ask more questions, seek out the answers, and continue hunting for our retirement house. Maybe we've found it and maybe not. Only time and information will tell.
But wouldn't' this be a FANTASTIC studio space? Or relaxing space? Or breakfast room????
Stay tuned for updates - if you're interested!